There is something about being a Research Software Engineer, or perhaps just a hard working person, or someone that has trouble saying, “No.” that leads to busy-ness. I would even go as far to say that being busy is a part of work culture in the United States. We don’t take vacations, some of us work on weekends, and we are chronically in a busy state. How does this look? In the U.S it might be seen as a badge of honor. But in other places, I suspect there is more awareness for work-life balance. And whether you’ve said this or only had someone tell it to you, it’s hugely likely you’ve heard this story:

I’ll be less busy in a few weeks.

Does this ever really turn out to be true? I’ve gotten a sense over time that I hear this from the same people, and it never is the case that they aren’t busy. I’ve also never heard it from particular people that indeed do manage or have a lot on their plate. Is the issue that they are hiding their stressful busy-ness, or have they learned to manage it? Or perhaps they thrive in a busy state and really don’t notice it? Or perhaps they never say “No” to things? While we can’t answer this question for others, we can answer it for ourselves. Asking yourself why you do tell (or don’t tell) this story is the basis of this exercise in introspection.

Let’s start with the case of the person that tells the story, and perhaps they truly believe it. In this case, I think that this is a story that is rooted in our inability to think about ourselves in the future. “Oh, future me will have time for that,” or “future me will have interest to do that activity.” and so we tell this story to ourselves and to others. But what happens? The weeks pass by, and we are still just as busy as before (if not more busy), and the things that we thought we wanted to do, we don’t want to do as much. We are chronically busy, and stuck in a cycle of telling people that.

For these folks I recommend the book Stumbling on Happiness given to me by one of my first bosses that undoubtably could see that I wasn’t very happy. It prompted immense introspection and realizing that I didn’t know myself very well at all. And consequently I didn’t know what made me, present and future, happy. Here is how I think having knowledge about ourselves relates to this story:

  1. If I don’t want to do something now, why would it be likely that future me would be any different? When you are thinking about a future obligation, ask yourself if you want to do it right now. If you don’t, it’s likely that future you won’t either. This is a time to say no, and all of a sudden you have one less obligation.
  2. For things that you truly do care about, it’s about making time. At some point we all have to learn to prioritize our time and obligations.
  3. Learning to say “No” or “Not anymore” is part of that. There are things that we can pursue and then change our mind, or stop pursuing them when the situation changes.
  4. Finally, if we want to say “yes” to many things, we might ask why. Are we desperate to please others, or do we derive self worth from that? While I don’t want to say this is a bad thing, I think it should be recognized and questioned before pursuing mindlessly. If you do choose to always say yes and make yourself very busy, have insight as to why and prove to yourself that the reason is worth it.

If you are someone that is chronically busy and that’s your jam and gives you meaning and excitement, by all means go for it. But perhaps you might question the underlying reason why this is the case for you, and if that’s the way you want to be. And if you are someone that feels chronically overworked and tired and are always telling people I’ll be less busy in a few weeks it might be time to start making decisions for present you (and not future you) and learning to say no. You can also try a completely different strategy. Instead of focusing on the fact that you are busy, flip the message and tell the other party when you’ll take a look. Instead of:

The next two weeks are crazy, but I’ll try to make time after that.

You might say.

I’m really excited to read this! I’ll try to get you feedback by the end of three weeks from now.

Do you see how they are subtly different? The first message